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was out with michelle.. went to a karaoke joint till 6am.. drank water (overdose on alcohol).. wrote her a text saying that i'm willing to back out and not to stop her from doing what she really wants.. i really do love her alot.. and i know i can't be selfish.. if you love someone you got to let her go.. if she really belongs to you she will be your's again one day.. but my heart is still in pain.. it has already stop 'beating' once she said those words to me, tears just drop uncontrollably..
two nights before she said those words to me.. i was already having this bad feeling.. was actually quite down and she felt it.. ask me what's wrong but i never did tell her.. actually i wanted to ask her.. is she for real? is she ready to built a future with me? cause i really do not want to get hurt again.. but what the use anymore.. it has come to an end..
time will heal the wound as people always said.. even though it's healed there's always the scar that reminds you why you got hurt in the first place.. can't sleep, can't eat, no mood.. can't even smile properly.. i'll just get stoned and gazed at no where.. even now when i'm writing this down.. tears are falling and i don't even know what am i writing anymore.. listening to the song 画心 repeatedly..
staring into space right now.. even when i'm so tired.. i just can't sleep, maybe i shall just shower and do my work.. just to forget her and my hurt.. work myself till i'm just a tired soul.. so i could force myself to sleep.. i do not wish to resort to cough syrup to make myself drowsy enough to sleep.. bad habit.. chain smoking like nobody's business.. but for now i shall stay away from alcohol.. really overdose on it and got hell drunk and puke for the first time drinking vodka!! i don't puke on vodka.. but i did maybe cause i drank almost the whole bottle and real fast.. urgh!
i'm missing her so much.. i miss her way of talking, her expressions, her smile, her joyful laughter, her gentle ways of making you feel everything's gonna be alright, even when she's in a bad mood.. i love her and i still do.. please do not tell me time will make me forget her.. cos it'll be for a very long time before i can..